I Figured Out the Secret

I figured out the secret to happiness and success. It’s been in front of my nose all along.

If you’re anything like me, you've spent years chasing a moving target. Get the kids through potty training. Survive the high school drama years. Launch them to college. Build the career. Nurture the marriage. Check all the boxes that supposedly add up to a life well-lived.

And somewhere along the way, you started believing you’d finally feel successful—happy, fulfilled, at peace—once you reached whatever finish line you’d drawn for yourself.

But what if we’ve been measuring success all wrong?

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately. Especially as I watch my college daughter navigate her own definition of success—acing tests, building friendships, figuring out her calling. She’s in the thick of striving, just like I was at her age. Just like I still am, if I’m honest.

And at this stage in my life I’ve come to realize: The more we achieve, the more the goalposts move.

We think success looks like the promotion, the book deal, the thriving marriage, the kids who turn out “right.” And do’'t get me wrong—those things matter. The Bible isn’t disinterested in our earthly results. Proverbs 3:9-10 promises, “Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the firstfruits of all your crops; then your barns will be filled to overflowing.”

God blesses our work. He cares about our relationships. He wants us to steward our gifts well.

But if that’s all we're chasing—if our happiness hinges on achieving certain outcomes—we’re going to be perpetually disappointed.

Because we don’t actually control the results.

You can be the best mom in the world and still have a kid who makes devastating choices. You can work your tail off and still not get the recognition you deserve. You can do everything “right” in your marriage and still hit seasons that feel impossibly hard.

So what’s the secret, then? What's the path to that elusive peace we’re all craving?

I’ve been studying the book of Proverbs, and I keep coming back to this idea: Happiness has an underlying cause. A foundation that makes joy and peace possible even when life doesn’t go according to plan.

That foundation is wisdom.

Not just knowledge—we can know all the right things about God and parenting and life and still make terrible choices if our hearts don’t catch up with our heads.

Wisdom is knowing God deeply enough that He changes us from the inside out. It’s letting Him set the guardrails for how we live, what we pursue, how we measure what matters.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (Proverbs 9:10)

To “fear the Lord” means to revere Him—to take Him seriously, to recognize His authority over our lives, to trust that His way is better than ours even when it doesn’t feel like it.

And here’s what happens when we do that:

“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding… Then you will understand righteousness, justice, integrity—every good path.” (Proverbs 2:1-2, 9)

When we internalize God’s wisdom—when we actually live by what we know is true—we start walking what God calls the “upright” path. We see more clearly. We choose better. We’re equipped to navigate the mess with grace.

And then comes the promise:

“He stores up success for the upright; He is a shield for those who live with integrity.” (Proverbs 2:7)

But wait—what does God mean by “success”?

That’s the question that changes everything.

“Happy is the man who finds wisdom and who acquires understanding, for she is more profitable than silver, and her revenue is better than gold. She is more precious than jewels; nothing you desire can equal her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left, riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant, and all her paths, peaceful. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her, and those who hold on to her are happy.” (Proverbs 3:13-18)

Did you catch it?

In God's economy, success isn’t wealth or achievement or perfect relationships or a flawless life.

Success is happiness and peace.

And here’s the stunning, liberating truth: We can have peace even when everything else feels unfinished.

Even when we didn’t get the promotion.
Even when our marriage is in a hard season.
Even when our kids are struggling.
Even when our dreams are still on hold.

Because peace doesn’t come from controlling outcomes. It comes from trusting the One who does.

Think about it. How many times have you wrung yourself out trying to manufacture a certain result—only to have God redirect you entirely? How many times have your plans fallen apart, and in hindsight, you realized His plan was better?

God knows what we need better than we do.

So here’s my invitation for both of us.

What if we stopped measuring success by whether we achieved our goals, and started measuring it by whether we’re walking in wisdom? By whether we’re seeking God first, trusting His timing, surrendering the outcomes?

“Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33)

That doesn’t mean we stop working hard or caring about results. It means we recognize that our job is faithfulness—and God’s job is the harvest.

“I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” (1 Corinthians 3:6)

We don’t get to decide what our results look like. Only God does.

And when we really believe that—when we trust that His version of success for our lives is better than ours—that’s when we finally find peace.

So let’s stick our noses in the Bible from time to time and believe what it says is true.

Let’s pray when we’re confused and pray when we’re not.

Let’s invite God into every corner of our hearts where He can shape how we see this world and the next.

That’s wisdom. And wisdom will help us recognize that whatever results God chooses for us—however our kids turn out, however our work unfolds, however our relationships develop—are exactly what He allowed and ordained.

We can trust that.

Because the secret to success isn’t achieving everything we want. It’s wanting what God wants. And finding peace in whatever He gives.

That’s the life I want to build. Will you join me?