Nobody Really Cares (and that's okay)

My husband and I have a theory: nobody really cares.

As in, nobody really cares about what another person is going through unless it affects them directly.

I know that sounds cynical. Just humor me for a minute. Think about it.

We can talk with a friend about their struggles, feel pangs of heartache, cry with them and pray for them. And it's all very genuine.

But their pain doesn't necessarily change our life. It doesn't inform our next steps or even interrupt our schedule. We can "carry each other's burdens" (Galatians 6:2) in a crossbody bag, then unclip it and hang it up when we get home. We're no longer required to feel the weight.

Because honestly that's not our job. We've got our own crap to carry, right? Some days we're just trading out crossbody bags—theirs for ours, depending on the moment.

It doesn't mean we’re selfish or unfeeling. It just means a heart can only own another person's pain to a point. Eventually our own stuff crowds theirs out.

We get a text from a friend who's suffering, we stop to pray… then we turn the movie back on and keep eating popcorn.

We hear about a neighbor whose child was diagnosed and we're stunned, aching over the news. But we still get in the car and take the kids to karate lessons. We make our grocery lists and pay our bills and go to the nephew's birthday party because life goes on, and somebody else's tragedy does not typically become our own.

And honestly? That's normal. God gives us each unique pain and victories in our unique seasons according to His plan for each of us. When I said nobody cares, I didn't mean nobody has compassion. Of course we do. But we need to modify our expectations for "caring" if we think it means other people understand our pain.

That other people feel it like we do, in the moment.

They don't. They observe it, maybe even relate to it, but other people cannot be you.

Therefore, they will never care about you like you care about you.

Except for one person.

God.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

The Greek word for "cares" in this verse is melei—which means something matters to you, occupies your attention, is your concern.

In other words, “He cares for you” could be translated: “You matter to Him.” Not just that God has warm feelings toward us from a distance. But that our burdens, our anxieties, our struggles—they’re His concern. His crossbody bag. What weighs us down is on His mind.

When Peter says to cast all our anxiety on God, he’s saying: Give your worries to God because you matter to Him. Because what concerns you, concerns Him.

So. What do we do with that?

First, let's let friends and family off the hook when they disappoint us. Our expectations are too high if we think another sinful human being is going to feel our concerns as deeply as we do.

And second, get yourself some Jesus. If we aren't seeking God in our times of frustration or heartache, we’re missing the greatest advocate we’ll ever find.

I needed this reminder for myself this week. Speaking of advocating… let’s just say it only takes a few days of trying to navigate health insurance and doctor’s offices to realize we have to advocate for ourselves and our kids. I’ve hit my limit wondering why nobody else sees what I see or cares about what my family needs.

But then I remembered a verse from my worn out Bible, one I’ve highlighted before and examined many times.

God isn’t just “caring” from high in the sky, looking down on our troubles and patting us on the head. He sent the greatest advocate to be with us, within us, closer than our own hearts.

“And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—the Spirit of truth.” (John 14:16)

Feeling alone? Like nobody else cares or gets it? You’re not.

The Holy Spirit is fighting for you.

My husband and I still stand by our theory: nobody really cares. At least, not the way we need them to.

But there's one exception. And He's enough.