The Good in Goodbye

They made a video. Our daughters, nine years ago, when they were in the prime of childhood, decided we needed a puppy to complete our family unit. They wrote a script, put it to music, created choreography, taped and edited the whole thing on an iPod… “We will take caaaaare of it.” 

So we got them a dog, and we named him Prophet. A little Morkie, holy terror, barker extraordinaire, protector against every Amazon truck and passerby, Prophet became woven into the fabric of our daily lives and, naughty though he was, we adored him from day one.

But the risk of any sort of love is knowing it can be taken away. This spring our sweet pup got sick, and his health declined rapidly until there was nothing left to do. We buried him on Sunday in the woods at my best friend’s farm, a place he loved to visit. And my heart grieves.

Silly, you might say, how an animal can become family. Those of you with pets understand. But beyond the heartache of losing a buddy, I also realized Prophet’s life defined a season of my daughters’ childhood. And losing him is another milestone in losing them… another sign that they’re growing up and our family life is changing.

I just spent the last two months writing a new devotional for college moms. I turned in my manuscript at the start of last week—a huge accomplishment for us crazy author types—feeling a great sense of momentum in my ministry to women like me, those of us who are releasing our kids and learning to build a new kind of relationship with young adult children. There’s so much beauty in this stage. So much to treasure. 

And a week that began with great promise ended in a goodbye to a part of my family life that’s threaded through every memory. I raised two girls and two dogs. Ironically our younger pup, a goofy mini goldendoodle, is already much calmer without his terrorist brother in the house to influence him. So in some ways, changing dynamics can be a blessing.

And that’s how it’s supposed to be.

This life is not meant to stay static. To live as a human is to experience change, goodbyes, fits and starts, new beginnings at the finish line of every ending. And heartache. We can't get around it. We take the sad with the glad and we await heaven where no heartache can touch us ever again.

But meanwhile, that ache? It's worth it. This is the conclusion I’ve been drawing over the past couple months with my nose to my computer, writing, writing, examining what it means to transition from one season to the next. And for reasons I'll never know, God chose to finish that project with a sobering bang, another goodbye to remind me I’m living what I encourage in others. I’ll stand here and tell you there’s beauty in letting go. But do I really believe it?

Yes. 

For sure there's ugliness, too, I mean, I cried the same broken tears this weekend over my dog that I cried on college drop-off day, letting go of yet another precious someone in my life. Life is full of goodbyes, and they’re all proof that we loved well. We got the chance to raise our kids, to enjoy our pets, to know the love of a child or a dog or whomever it is you’re wishing you could hug on days when you can’t. And that love has been worth every tear that comes in the parting days. 

Its loss will draw us nearer to God.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Fortunately our college kids return. Mine has been home for a month and I’ve been soaking up her presence, loving our days together during this respite from the busy school year that builds a distance between us in miles although never in heart. And I’m grateful our family could be together when God asked us to say goodbye to our little buddy. We lean on each other when we’re sad.

That’s another gift of parenting in the encore season. The kids become old enough to comfort Mom just as much as Mom comforts them. My girls knew I needed it.

So whatever you’re facing this week or this summer… if you’re bracing yourself for a college drop-off in fall, if you’re missing your adult kids or grandkids, if you’re ripping your hair out over a naughty barky dog… let’s all take a moment to thank God that we GET to wrestle with the feelings associated with loving people (and pets) the way God loves us. Nonsensically, lavishly, unconditionally. The good is worth the bad. Every time.