When the Old Holiday Traditions Don't Fit Anymore

Girls’ Christmas crafting day, first annual. That’s what she’s calling it. And it’s changing my entire perspective on empty nesting.

My friend Heidi is hosting an afternoon of artsy projects for her teen-and-twenty-something daughters next week—a special chance to spend quality time together, ushering in the season with holiday snacks and crafts and plenty o’ laughs (put that on a Christmas card).

It’s special because the girls don’t have the same built-in opportunities to exist in the same room like they did when they were younger, back before college and jobs and boyfriends pulled them in different directions. Who they’re becoming is beautiful and right, yet as we moms of older kids know, with the children’s flourishing season come our years of letting go, and the holidays are just another reminder of how things have changed.

The old traditions are packed away in boxes—Christmas count-down rings; our Little People nativity set; the felt stockings sporting glitter-glued names, a gift from the first-grade teacher.

And it’s easy to mourn what’s gone.

But Heidi’s first annual Christmas crafting day? It inspired me. Like a lightbulb popping to life, I realized something profound.

As our kids get older and our homes empty out, we can establish NEW traditions. It’s not just about losing what we had—it’s also about gaining what comes next.

Imagine.

Wine and cheese on game night. Attending the midnight worship service because nobody has a bedtime. Shopping in the city and letting the kids buy YOU lunch this time.

Heidi put it this way: “Letting something go allows freedom for developing something new.” And the new traditions? They can be just as wonderful—or better.

This revelation is all the sweeter because of the source. Heidi isn’t just any friend. She’s my full-spectrum mommy comrade. Our kids have been pals since before the youngest could walk. Her littles called across the street to my littles in preschool, asking to come over and play. Since the day we met, Heidi and I have walked in tandem through every parenting transition, from elementary school reading homework to middle school musicals to high school graduations and beyond, both of us pursuing motherhood and entrepreneurial dreams at the same time. We learned together how to juggle and pause, sprint and release.

She gets me. We’ve been heart to heart friends for a long time.

And if she can find joy in this fresh season of motherhood, then of course so can I.

So what will you do to establish a new tradition this holiday season? We might not be attending Christmas pageants or volunteering for the classroom gingerbread party anymore. But the delights to come can be just as memorable, just as fulfilling—sometimes even more so because we're meeting our kids as the adults they're becoming, not just the children they were.

It's time to embrace what's now. Not as a replacement for what was then, but as its own beautiful gift. And I’m so excited to begin.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?” (Isaiah 43:18-19)