I'm Waving My White Flag

I thought the mommy wars ended when the kids grew up. Not so.

Apparently there’s a whole new battle waged in the college mom years. This time it’s not about whether a woman works outside the home, how many children she has, or what food dyes she allows in the cupboard, but something even more personal.

Grief.

Do we feel heartache over our kids growing up and leaving the house?

Most of us do.

But… a small percentage of moms don’t.

And from what I’m seeing on social media, these moms find it their civic duty to shame the other side.

Lord, help us.

I follow a few “mom of big kids” influencers on Instagram and comments are mostly supportive, but there’s a subset of dissenters who type stuff like this:

“What are all you women whining about? I’m happy for my kid.”

“He doesn’t text me and I’m fine with that.”

“Kids grow up. Get over it.”

Oh honey. Do you need a cup of tea and a candy bar? Let’s talk about your anger issues.

My mother’s old advice still applies well into our midlife years: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Here on this blog I will stand up for the very normal woman who is missing her big kids right now. The woman who feels a pang in her heart when she thinks about the distance between her and her favorite people. She’s not whining. She’s not incapable of living without her kids. And she’s not dumb. She knows very well that this is what she raised them for, and she’s proud of them.

She can be proud and sad at the same time. That’s a very natural response.

So if you’re experiencing grief over the transition from close-proximity mom to long-distance mom/mentor/friend – whether your kiddo has gone to college or the military or moved away for a job or gotten married, whatever the circumstances are – you are allowed to feel the emotions. Sadness and worry over missing your child, joy and pride over who they’re becoming, excitement or confusion over what’s next for you. We’re a mixed bag. Not just one emotion defines us.

We ought to be allowed to feel them all, to share with one another in solidarity, and to cast our cares on Jesus.

Without jabs from the war-painted internet mommas whose experience is different.

We’re not doing it wrong. Nobody is. We’re all just coping with the change. And thankfully God is in the business of guiding us through that.

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” (Isaiah 43:19)

So let’s wave the white flag and stop picking each other apart for being who we are. The overwhelming majority of moms don’t love the process of parting with their kids. That’s a fact. But for those in the minority, God bless you. Let’s agree on one thing: we all love our kids.

And God loves them even more than we do.